I REALLY Hope This Isn’t Another Troll Job. Then Again It Probably IS…


There is a “new” site up on the interwebz and it appears that it involves the infamous Illuminati.   Click there and it brings to a featureless, black homepage.  Now, press Ctrl+A to highlight all on the page.  In the upper left corner you see a countdown that seemingly ends on December 7 of this year at around 8:00 a.m.

The Illuminati

Now, I HIGHLY doubt this has to do with the Illuminati, but  for shits and giggles I’ll give you some background on who the Illuminati is anyway.

The name Illuminati itself means “People claiming to possess special enlightenment or knowledge of something.”  Historically, the it refers to the Ancient and Illuminated Seers of Bavaria, an Enlightenment Era secret society founded on May 1, 1776 by a Jesuit trained professor of canon law at the University of Ingolstadt named Adam Weishaupt.

Kind of looks like Chris Martin from Coldplay with a wig. "I used to rule the world..." Everybody sing... Nevermind.

Illuminati was founded on a few principles:

  • Masonic Secrets
  • Muslim Mysticism
  • Hatha Yoga

They also liked to sit around and smoke hash to produce their “illuminated” state of mind, similar to Hashashins.   The name “Hashashins” literally means “users of hash” and is where the more recognized term “assassin” is supposedly derived from.

I am so high right now. I can barely stay on my horse. Can we eat before we go kill this dude?

If you take into account that the symbol for the Illuminate includes the Sun, a pyramid and the all seeing eye, you can actually kind of trace it’s roots back to the ancient Egyptians and their religion. The sun god Ra, the Eye of Horus, and the pyramids.

Heeeeey guys! I'm Ra! Don't you just LOVE my fabulous head dress!! Somebody has Suuuun Gooood envy!!!

More recently, the Illuminati are supposedly a shadowy conspiratorial organization that allegedly control world affairs through present day governments and big corporations and are involved in everything from TV to Movies to Music, with the ultimate plan being to establish a New World Order.  In other words, one totalitarian government to rule the entire world.  Conspiracy theorists say that the signs of the Illuminati are everywhere, including the $1.00 bill to Jay-Z’s new album cover.


There's supposed to be scarab beetles, and pyramids and all sorts of other illuminate shit all over this bling of a cover.

So there you have it.  We have a group that works behind the scenes, trying to take over the world, and rule everything under one government, one religion, one currency… and they apparently have a website that is as easy as typing in http://www.illuminati.org.

The Site

Doing some research, it appears as though this webpage has been online since early 1996.  So, it’s not really “new” at all, hence the “new” in quotes both at the beginning of this blog and here.  1996? That is a helluva long time.  If you click on that link and look at the timeline at the top of the page you can kind of scroll it back and forth to see how the page has looked over time.  It started off as a sort of Illuminati info/history/membership site.  Then it changed to this.  And there was a sort of blog thing going on for a while there, too.  If you read this blog entry they had apparently opened up their membership for a little over a year but no one qualified as no one was able to find their headquarters.  People had called phone numbers, and drove past houses and sent emails and what not but no one found their “secret fort”.  Now, we have a countdown and as you know, countdowns are ALWAYS interesting.

Countdown to fucking PARTY TIME!!!

You can’t view the source code for the page (ALWAYS one of the first things you should do in these cases) without having some sort of web developer add-on for your browser.  Tricky fucks.  I DO happen to have a FEW so I was able to check it out.  In addition to seeing the code for the timer there was this interesting little bit of code:

    function displayTZCountDown(countdown,tzcd) {
      if (countdown < 0) {
        document.getElementById("countdownTimer").innerHTML = "Sorry, you are too late.";

Basically, if you get to this page AFTER the timer ends, you will get the message “Sorry, you are too late”.  There is nothing else in the code that indicates anything else is going to show up on the site.  So whatever is supposed to go down on this date, if you go to their website after it happens, you are apparently too late and you are informed of your tardiness.  It’s like having to go to the principals office if you are tardy.  This is pretty fucking baffling.  They may as well just put “OOOOOOOH, YOU’RE LAAAAATE” on their site, because to this day, even though I’m a grown ass man, if a child says “OOOOOOOH” I wonder what the fuck I did wrong and who they are telling.

If a child does this and the word "OOOOOOOOHHH!" comes out of his or her mouth, I don't give a fuck how old you are, you KNOW you did something wrong.

In Conclusion

I’m HOPING that this is something legit.  I mean, there are already theories ABOUND about this on Abovetopsecret.com, as there are about everything else.  I’m guessing it’s PROBABLY a new 24 hour round of recruiting for the “Illuminati”.  Yes, I think this whole thing is a troll.  But, if anything, it gets you looking around and researching a pretty interesting part of history and, in turn, you learn a few things.  That’s what the internet is about anyway isn’t it? Maybe they ARE the Illuminati because they get you searching and by searching you acquire knowledge.  Knowledge = Enlightenment.