The 6 Most Epic Exmples of Facial Hair in MMA!!!Posted: July 13, 2011
The world of MMA is rife with truly epic facial hair. Some say a good beard hides a fighter’s chin so it’s harder to get knocked out. Others say it makes the fighter look that much more epic when knocking someone out. This list will look at fighters with the most recognizable and awesome facial hair.
6. Andrei Arlovski
Andrei “The Pit Bull” Arlovski is a former UFC Heavyweight champion from Belarus, or as it is translated “White Russia”. So he’s a “White Russian”. But make no mistake, people from Belarus are NOTHING like the “drink” enjoyed by women and effeminate “men” in bars all over the country. Andrei is well known for a) his vicious style of fighting including victories over Tim Sylvia, Justin Eilers, Jake O’Brien and Roy Nelson; b) his fanged mouth guard, and; C) his epic as fuck beard. I’m sure this beard does wonders for his personal life. However, in the ring this beard could be considered Sex Panther of the Face, because it is apparent with his 15-9 record, 60 percent of the time it works every time.
5. Kimbo Slice
Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson rose to fame on the internetz by way of backyard BBQ fights on Youtube, earning him the namesake “The King of the Web Brawlers” by Rolling Stone. After a loss to D Class MMA fighter Sean Gannon (2-1 record), Kimbo decided to have a go at MMA; thus, bringing Kimbo, and his signature Old Dutch, into the spotlight for the rest of the world to marvel at. Many proclaimed his beard should not be permitted because a) it was so full that it hid his chin, making it harder to hit and; b) after the 14 seconds it took Seth Petruzelli to TKO him made people claim he had a “suspect chin”. His beard may have (partially) helped him with his stand up but sadly, his beard couldn’t help his ground game. After just two losses he was cut from the UFC. Word is he’s going to try his hand at boxing. Yeah, that suits him better.
4. Dan Severn/Don Frye
Number 4 has to be a tie. Dan Severn is an MMA fighter and was a UFC fighter when that shit was still in diapers. His 1994 match and ultimate defeat at the hands and legs of Royce Gracie is one of the most famous matches in all of MMA history. Don Frye is a retired MMA fighter, former UFC champion and a training partner of Dan Severn. Both men were actually training partners as Don Frye began wrestling as a freshman in 1984 for Arizona State, where he was trained by Don Frye and again in 1995 when Frye helped train Severn for the Ultimate Ultimate 1995.
The mustaches that these two former MMA fighters possess are probably two of the most epic examples of keratin and protein to grace the area between the upper lip and nose of a man in all of history and the fact that they trained together makes it doubly so. If the lip brows of these two combined into one singular mustache, it would be like Vultron and the Megazord combining to form the most powerful facial hair in the universe. To make things even more epic, Don Frye fought Godzilla in the 2004 movie Godzilla: Final Wars. Vultron and Megazord, indeed.
3. Brock Lesnar
Lets face it. Brock Lesnar is as close to a modern day viking as any man is ever going to get. The dude is cartoonishly gigantic, he’s like a berserker frate trane (yes, that is spelled right and the nod goes to Middle Easy) when he gets in the ring, he kills large animals in the snow with his hands, and for a brief period of time, he sported a beard that looks like it was made for raiding villages and soaking up the blood of his prey.
Despite all appearances, however, Brock did not have the same defense percentage or hit points as a viking as he lost his title to Cain Velasquez via a lot of punches. He received a nice new facial scar (which is pretty epic in itself, but that’s a separate list all together) and in the process performed some of the most recognized acrobatics to ever occur in the Octagon. He did some sort of backpedaling spinning cartwheel maneuver as he was trying to regain contact with reality after being punched by a giant Mexican. There’s a million and a half gifs online of it. Look it up. Google it. It’s hilarious.
2. Evan Tanner
Evan Tanner (February 11, 1971 – September 8, 2008) was a former UFC Middleweight and USWF Heavyweight champion. He was the first American to win the Pancrase Neo-Blood tournament. He was an avid outdoorsman. He beat Robbie Lawler and Phil Baroni (twice). He was an outdoors man. He was a Goddamn bad ass. And his lumberjack-esque beard could kick the ass of any other lumberjacks beard ever. Despite the size disadvantage (according to reports) it could most likely whip the ass of Paul Bunyon’s beard and then kill Babe for Tanner to eat for dinner.
On September 3, 2008 Evan rode into the desert region west of Palo Verde, California to go camping. Sadly, he would not ride out. Per wikipedia:
“Some people expressed concern about Tanner’s well being going into the desert alone. Tanner responded to concerns about his plans for a desert adventure in a post on August 27, 2008.
Although not technically an MMA fighter YET (there are talks of him entering MMA, mostly by him where he will rematch his foe from the bus fight) 67 year old Epic Beard Man, aka Thomas Alexander Bruso, had to appear on this list because Epic Beard is his fucking NAMESAKE. He rose to fame on Youtube with a video depicting him and his beard destroying a hoodlum, simply known as Michael, on an AC Transit bus somewhere around February 15, 2010, at approximately 3:00 p.m EST. Yes, motherfuckers know it down to the TIME. The beat down was so nasty it has spawned a ridiculous amount of internet memes and even a Mortal Kombat style fight gif, complete with blood and energy bars. He’s even wearing a Raiden hat.
And I say him and his beard because the beard completely fucking deserves credit. It was what made this ass whooping all the more spectacular. Had he not had his beard and done the same thing, he would simply be referred to “The Old Guy who beat that black guy up on the bus”. Anyway, if he were to rematch “Michael”, I predict the same results. Ass whippin’ by an epic beard.